Midnight Thoughts

I wonder if anyone ever came across this situation; when you want to express your feelings and frustrations through words, but you're stuck on the first sentence; constantly backspacing between typing on how you want to start. Once you're done with an opening, regurgitating everything you feel in words will be so much easier then. I believe most of us have been there and experienced that. However for me, it is every sentence. Since young, language is my worse enemy, be it English or Mandarin. I am so used to speaking Singlish, or rather, I only speak Singlish, that I cannot even express how I really feel inside, unless I'm allowed to use Singlish. Funny how some people rebut with "Eh I can speak proper English one ok. Just that I don't want only." when someone criticize them for not being able to speak English, but in reality, they fumble when e.g. trying to convey their message in English to a foreigner. (but I digress). I just want to warn and apologize in advance to whomever is reading this that this post is full of Singlish as this is the only way for me to express how I really feel. My atrocious grammar might cause you to cringe and my misuse of vocab might cause you to.. idk. ( you see? Even my bank of vocab is so small that I can't find a word). Btw, I am doing my best to improve my language already ok! okok, let me spill some of the thoughts I have currently in my mind.

My lovely Mom, you have taught me about the virtue of being appreciative of everything you have, and I am really thankful for that. But Mom, have you forgotten about this virtue after passing it to me? Dad came back early to cook specially for you and you should be appreciative for that. You complain that he never wishes you Happy Birthday. But Mom, is that even necessary when he showed it through his actions? You should know that Dad have always been a Man of few words. He does not express his affection through words, but through action. I believe that love can be expressed in many different forms; It can be expressed by saying it out loud, or through actions. Even without his wish, I believe you would have felt his love and sincerity for you, because I know I did.
Just like before, you told me I love my friends more than my family, and I have never loved this family before. (& I swear it was damn hurtful lo, laobu!) Mom, if I don't love my family, I would not even plan birthday celebrations for you. I would not even make a hand-made card for you. I would not even be sad for not scoring my tests (I always feel guilty and sad, not for myself, but for the disappointment you will have in me). I would not even come home. I would not even tell you my plans for the day. I would not.. - there are infinite reasons and many are expressed through actions. Even though like Dad, I don't express my love through words, I hope Dad, Brother, and especially you have felt my love and affection through my actions. I wish I have the courage to say all of this to you but it is not that easy.. Well, darn it, it's impossible for me to say all of this face to face to you without tearing. You might say, just cry la! But, I can't, not in front of people, not even my family. So, I can only type all of my thoughts that were meant to be said, meant to be conveyed. Maybe one day, I might be brave enough to do that. But for now, I got to go!

Update

Real quick update:

Im working my asses off for this holiday - to feed my hungry bank!

Im working like 5-6 days/ week. And for Oct, I will be working everyday non stop from 4th Oct to 16 Oct. Woww how great is that ><" But I need $$ ahh! So gogogo!~

And guess what? I've grown fatter because of work! But the thing is.. its not admin work its waitress yo! The people there are so caring and they have been feeding me non-stop. Its a good thing cause it is very difficult to find a group of working mates so kind and caring. But, the weight I just lost is back ): Noooooo...

Ok today's work was hell boring.. We ate egg for lunch and 4-5 table for dinner + I gave 3 rounds of flyers (mehhh)

Life for me is great except for work! (But it seems that my life now revolves only around work, food and sleep) Oh well~ Still, im grateful that lord is keeping the people I love safe and healthy + giving me sufficient strength ! Love love! ^^

Be strong

"You have to be strong to grow up in a tough environment like this. But not only has this daisy survived, it is blooming happy to be where it is"

Im no superwoman. Stop making me exhausted ><" Ahh whatever, its gonna be over soon!

Today, school was cool, dinner was cool, brother was cool. Tomorrow got ITB test..and I have got no mood to study. mehh

Oh yeah! Just now in school I thought I lost my 4bucks (I swear I searched my pocket, my bag, my wallet and I still can't find it) Then, when I reach Whitesands Mrt, got one auntie rush over to me to pass me $2 saying that I dropped it. Then, when I step out of the Mrt got one uncle shout to ask me to stop and pass me another $2. O.O Cool! I don't even know where did it drop out from ._."

Ok got to go study ITB now and my stomach feels weird (its like the poo.., ok forget it not going to touch on that) Bye!

Photo + Code Credit: Flickr, Light Collector

Updates

"My lovely friends"

Life in Poly have been pretty much aweesoommee ~
with friends and stuff!
ok except for projects and tests

The reason im posting after such a looonggg time is because I can't find any place to contain my rants. Haha! but actually.. after coming here, I realise Idontknow what to type ._."
Ok, Family is fine. Friends are.. fine too except for 1 or 2 who gets quite emotional most of the time. Hopefully they will become stronger and come to realise that there are people who are suffering more out there, and they should not give up easily! Hwaiting eh!
Anws, I bet no one is reading this now because people seldom blog now (i guess?) especially my friends. Now its all on facebook & twitter! (the same goes for me! :>)

Ahhh.. Can't wait for September holiday to come! Then I'll be working my butt(s) off with Ah Meow!
Ohhh! And Im planning, ok, going to go for the SHINee's Concert w Meow! Hopefully we can get the tickets for pit 1 (We're going to plant ourselves at mac right outside Sistic @ 9.30am before Sistic opens at 10!) Yeah so hopefully we get the tickets~ Hehehe Eggg-Citeddd!

Ok, bye!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

HAPPY NEW YEAR! (:

Went Indonesia with mom's side family to celebrate new year
& it was (Y)(Y)(Y)(Y)(Y)(Y), BAGUS!

First day:
Reached there at 9pm so there is nothing much to talk about.
One thing was when we went into the hotel's restaurant
, we all went 'Ohmygod' by the smell - My cousin said it
smelled like a hundred hamsters (true true..)
But, their service was damn hell good !

Second day:
Went to Bintan. It was super super super fun !

My Cute Ah Po + cousin!




Gong Gong




Played with the... circle circle big big thing which you can sit on
(i think its called float? :x)
Damn fun - keep struggling to stay afloat !
Stayed out of land for almost the whole day :P

Just when we were going to have our last round with the strong current..
We saw three person about 10m away from us keep waving..
At first I thought they were just waving for fun (how stupid:x)
But then.. we realise they were being brought to the other side
of the sea because it was about 5pm.. so the sea going back home?
(you should understand..what I mean la huh)
It was then we started panicking (but we couldn't do anything..
the current was really too strong)
In the end two was saved and one... disappeared into the sea ):
Hopefully he is being swept to another island (Alive)
Watching them getting swallowed by it, but feeling
helpless is a reallyreally bad feeling.. (I never want to see it again..)
Mother nature is kind of cruel... sighs

Then went to the toilet to wash up (Why am I even blogging about toilets?)
BII-CORS-I, it looks like the toilet in Cambodia (MAD'09)
A small cubicle with detached door~a small well to scoop water~
wowowowow! memories~
Head back to hotel to bathe before reunion dinner
(Shagness+Sunburn=Ohlord..)

Third day:
SHOPPING!, before going back
(Lazy to upload more pictures so..~ (:)

Oh ya.. one more thinggg.. (Veli veli important)
Well, because their service was so good,
they opened the door for us when we were checking in
before we can knock it.. uh hmm..
Then, on the second night, my father dreamt a person?
That person said, ''can you help me bring my ashes back
to Singapore? I have been waiting very long for a Singaporean
to come already''
Luckily in the dream, my father said, ''No, I don't even know your
address and all'' .. if not.. you know what I mean la huh..
So!, moral of the story is... please please knock your door before
checking in a hotel room (: (but, its still up to you to believe~)


Today! went Meow's house to Bai nian :D:D with A, E, J & WJ.
Actually got M la.. But when I go back she haven come yet
The parents very sweeeeeeeet ahhhh!
(spent 100++ for the food - soli & gam xia aunty uncle!)
Mah Jong-ed finally ! after so long
Actually was winning at the start one lehh..
but lost it all in the end ): siaaaaan
Oh! and Aloysia's hair colour like Jonghyun's ringdingdong
promotion ! OMGG~ COOOL!

Talk talk eat eat and then got to go home for another reunion dinner
with my big sis, big sis's husband and boyboy (Max)
Max already 2 years old already! Soooo fastttt!
And, he look quite good looking now ~
Maybe he will be good looking next time? hahahaha (:

Tomorrow going out with APAAAA !! (FINALLY !!!)
We are going to be sssoooo crazyyyy tmr ! Okbye!

YEEA

''I love YEEA !''

Saturday went out with YEEA to city to watch movie; Eclipse. After that, we head off to I dont know where to eat Ben's & Jerry. Then, went to Tampines 1 to fix my brother's phone. One random thing: The person who serve me; Skin condition super (Y). Hahaha.. I sound like a pervert. (but.. Its the best I have ever seen so far) After that, went back to whitesand for arcade~ After scoring 300+ the last time with Meow, we decided to try another round of basketball! and..


Really love my chemistry? with Meow! :D

After that went to superdog and home.

The next day, which is yesterday, I decided to keep my room (Finally!!) hahaha~ Mom had been begging/scolding/nagging/(whatever you can think of) to keep my room for 4 years! Furthermore, majority of my friends who came into my room was.. horrified? I don't know.. But, its ok~ At least is quite clean now (to me)
I took around 10 hours to clean yesterday (4pm to 2am) & 3 hours today (N). I never even touch any of my homework x; . Shall do it later. But at least, I will have the mood to study from today onwards!
Mom: Wa, why suddenly want to keep your room?
Well.. I don't really know the answer to that. But.., I know I cannot stand squeezing here and there. Hahaha.

Will post the picture tmr.. hopefully? (:

Studying is such a headache

Study study study, you always make me procrastinate

I don't see why, why must we study so many things when we hardly use 1/2 of the things we study next time. Ok, im procrastinating again.

I don't know what to type now..
Anyways, I am just going to say
(1)Cherish the people around you
(2)Three true friends is better than a thousand of friends
(3)Learn to trust, forgive and forget
(4)Work hard for your dream
(5)Get O'lvls' over and done with
Yeah.. this 5 points are currently what I am doing !

Currently addicted to this song:
nananana nana na nanana nananana nan nu abo~ yeah, yeah~ :D
And (Y) to me changing playlist :D

Picture Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/buttersugarflour/4058148076/

:D

''It's true that.. 2 true friends are better than a thousand friend''

Yesterday was school CIP. Succesful! Then, headed back to school. Was super excited, cos, going to watch movie with Aloy, Evan, Lynn & Meow. But then, their bus tyre puncture.. need to wait for around 30mins or so. So, called people to eat lunch first. Got rejected by two person -sadded ):-.. So went LP alone to buy food and went home. In the end, they reached! Went to E!hub and watched Alice In the Wonderland. Nice Show!

Then, chiong-ed home to bathe and everything, and chiong-ed to Evan's house for tuition. Ah meow also came late. But thens, Teacher was the latest (: . *lucky. After tuition, teacher gave the 3 of us a ride to E!hub, & we watched 'Zuo Ren'. Generally.., okok la. Since I did not tell my mom I was going out beforehand x.x , she called and asked me to go home. Of course, I dragged one hour before going home. In the end reached home at 11+ . Sorry mom. I will tell you beforehand next time.. ''Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry'' .. & lastly, wo ai ta men liang ge (:!

Time is Ticking

''Too much work to do, and too little time to do it!''

I am going to start studying today! I promise promise now! My 7day promise! I am going to achieve it. Yesterday night chiong-ed coursework. In the end.. Miss Tan did not come to school. -Unbelievable- ): I did not study chemistry test because of the coursework, and in the end she did not come ):): Chemistry test = failure. (uhh nvrminds.. I will just aim for my mid-years, prelim and Olvls! lets go!)
Relief teacher brought us to the rainforest lab to do our coursework after a lot of negotiation! ^^v. At the start, i manage to find quite a few things for my research. But thens.. after watching one of Jo Kwon's video, I cannot stop watching. In the end, Sophie also watched and laughed along with me. :D
Random fact: I am addicted to Shinee :D

picture credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/barca-q8/2952439312/

Instinct

"Following Instinct- Nothing will stop me now''

I hope the instinct I have is not true. 9 years.., how can that be. Its not true right? Please tell me that its not true.. Ah well, life is like this. Anyways, I promised mom to work hard for Olvls. But.. why am I still stuck in front of the computer. Why are you so attractive, computer? ): Nothing can stop me from leaving ): . Sighs, got to go wash scouts uniform after that do hw. I need to resist!
After Olvls can do what I like, my dream :D ! Can't wait !
Oh ya, New Year was bombastic with endless mahjong! Got to wait for one more year again ): .

Picture Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/mattijn/4131076416/

I was much better off before I met you

'' Doushite, Kimi O Suki Ni Natte Shimattandaro ''

Picture Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/jhgx3/3535989191/

Retext from Evangeline Loke

Bold what’s you, or what you like, or what you’ve done.

My personality:

I’m loud only when I’m high.
I’m obnoxious.
I’m sarcastic.
I’m cocky.
I cry easily.
I have a bad temper.
For the most part, I don’t like people.
I’m easy to get along with.
I like to fight.
I have more enemies than friends.
I’ve smoked.
I’ve smoked weed.
I drink coffee.
I clean my room daily.

My appearance:

I wear makeup.
I wear a piece of jewelry at all times.
I wear contacts.
I wear glasses.
I’ve had braces.
I have braces.
I change my hair color often.
I straighten my hair often.
My ears are pierced.
I have small feet.

Relationships:

I’m in a relationship now.
I’m single.
I’m crushin’.
I’m always scared of being hurt.
An ex has physically abused me at least once.
I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.
I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.
I’ve been in love more than two times.
I believe in love at first sight.
I believe lust is more important than love.

Friendships:

I have a best friend. - i don’t know anymore.
I have at least ten friends.
I’ve gotten a phone call in the last 48 hours from a friend.
I’ve beaten up a friend.
I’ve been in a serious fight with a friend.
I can trust at least five people with my life.

Experiences:

I’ve been on a plane.
I’ve been on a train.
I’ve left the state/province.
Someone close to me has died.
I’ve taken a taxi.
I’ve taken a city bus.
I’ve taken a school bus.
I’ve gone bungee jumping.
I’ve made a speech.
I’ve been in some sort of club.
I’ve won an award.
I’ve spent 24 hours on the computer straight.
I’ve been in a physical fight.

Music:

I listen to country.
I listen to pop.
I listen to techno.
I listen to rock.
I’m one of those people who play songs repeatedly until I hate it.
I hate the radio.
I download music.
I buy CD’s.

Television:

I spend at least six hours a day watching television.
I watch soap operas daily.
I’m in love with Days Of Our Lives.
I’ve seen and like The OC.
I’ve seen and like One Tree Hill.
I’ve seen and like America’s Next Top Model.
I’ve seen and like Popular.
I’ve seen and like House.
I’ve seen and like 24.
I’ve seen and like CSI.
I’ve seen and like Everwood.

Family Life:

I get along with both of my parents.
My biological parents are still together.
I have at least one brother.
I have at least one sister.
I have at least one step brother/sister.
I have at least one half brother/sister.
I’ve been kicked out of the house.
I’ve ran away from my home.
I’ve sworn at my parents.
I’ve made my parents cry.
I’ve lied to my parents.
I’ve lied to my parents about where I am.
I’ve lied to my parents about what I’m doing.
I’ve lied to my parents so I’d be allowed out.
I’ve walked out when I’ve been grounded.

Hair:

I’ve been brown.
I’ve had streaks.
I’ve cut my hair in the past year.
I’ve dyed my hair in the past year.
I’ve been blonde.
I’ve had black.
I’ve been red.
I’ve been light brown.
I’ve been medium brown.
I’ve had purple/pink.
I’ve been blue/green.
I’ve gotten my hair thinned.
I use conditioner.
I’ve used silk therapy.
I’ve used hot oil treatments.
I’ve curled my hair.
I’ve straightened my hair.
I’ve ironed my hair.
I’ve braided my hair.
I’ve had/want dreadlocks.

School:

I’ve thrown something at a teacher.
I’ve yelled at a teacher.
I’ve been suspended.
I’ve had an in-school suspension.
I’ve been sent to the principal’s office.
I’ve walked out of class.
I’ve skipped an entire day of school.
I’ve skipped a whole month of one certain class.
I’ve failed a test.
I’ve cheated on a test.
I’ve helped someone else cheat on a test.
I’ve failed Art.
I’ve failed P.E.
I’ve failed Math.
I’ve failed another class.
A teacher has called my parents.
I’ve been caught skipping.

Lost in Translation

“Remember that everyone you meet is afraid of something, loves something, and has lost something” ~ Proverb quote

I lost something! Something I love.. My green watch at Heritage room ): . sadded..
Got to go Evan house for tuition now, and the best is, I have not done my tuition homework yet :P! -cross finger-

Picture credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/chemilo/3790271596/

Meaningful

''Meaningful experiences through varied stages of communication.''

Had not been doing A-maths homework this 2 weeks. I owe Mr CCA 6 homework? I think so. Going to get it done this weekend! Because.. he is getting a bit suspicious of people not handing up homework. He wants to check next week ):
Super excited for Chinese New Year! :P One more week!! Red packet, food, cousins, pig and many many many much more things that I am looking forward to. Celebrate ah!!

Going to watch God of Study now!

Picture credit: http://teacherindevelopment.blogsome.com/2007/02/28/authentic-interaction-and-motivation/